I am a girl and I hate shopping! Wait, before you draw your stereotypical swords out and attack, let me state this – I love having new things, I just hate the part where I need to move my ass from the couch to get them. This hatred essentially originates from my high inertia and short attention span, paired with the constant need to have a screen in front of my face round-the-clock, so much so that when someone says something stupid, I don’t facepalm; I screenpalm. (Okay! Okay! You can facepalm to this.)

Shopping has always been on my “Oh so boring!” list, somewhere between cleaning my room and attending a seminar of any sort. I hate browsing through a dozen stores at the mall when I could directly hit the food court. So when E-Commerce hit India, I heaved a sigh of relief. My troubled days were over! I didn’t have to get out of the house to get stuff any more, except for Cotton Candy of course and ice-cones, but that’s food and everything is fair when it’s food.

“But how do you know if the quality is okay?” – I don’t. I return it in a click if it’s not.
“You might fall prey to online frauds!” – You might get robbed while going out!
“How do you know it will fit?” – I did size-shopping once. I’m sorted for life.
“The delivery guy can break into your place.” – So can the milkman. I have a knife!

There are a million reasons why it’s better to shop online rather than brick-and-mortar stores viz. reduced exposure to germs, lower chances of an accident, ability to buy lingerie without being as awkward as a cow on roller skates, environment-friendly to have one van deliver than ten cars getting it themselves, money-making (90% of what I earn comes from selling scrap packing material, no kidding!), time-saving etcetera but I’ll lay down the major ones for you:-

  • Displacement Of Your Ass = Zero
    The root cause for me to shop online is that I don’t have to move. Hell! I don’t even have to get up from the couch. If I ever decide to try for the Guinness World record for being a couch potato, I can rest easy knowing that I have an endless supply of nachos and dip or even granola bars, without rushing to a store.
  • One Stop Shop
    The beauty of online shopping is that you can buy anything and everything via a single device, all under the same roof. Baking tools or Socks? Grocery or Electronics? Rucksack or Doodle-pad? You don’t have to hunt through a gazillion shops for a gazillion items. You can even buy both kinds of toys at the same place, if you know what I mean.
  • Trial Room Terror
    The one thing that I dread more than a zombie apocalypse is trying out clothes in a changing room. It’s a nightmare! Firstly, I need to inspect the box like a pro-detective for hidden cameras and two way mirrors. So, after checking all corners for any suspicious cavities and finger-nailing the eff out of every inch of the mirror, I switch my clothes like I’m hiding a dead body. The slightest sound could make me take out my Thor hammer and smash like a Hulk.
  • Always open
    You were just heading out to shop for groceries when your friends dropped by unexpectedly. Now, you either take them along and chit-chat between the departmental maze or you stay back, have a fun time and order the groceries right before you sleep. You can even order them when you get up at 3 a.m. for a pee break. 24×7 yo!
  • Better Price
    My general observation has been that online shopping is cheaper. There is always a sale on so-and-so brand or on a certain genre of books and I never tend to miss a deal. Only this last festive sale, I bought 75 items for a bargain when I had logged in just to buy a pop-up toaster which I later returned due to malfunction. I learned that I was in need of so many things just by looking at the slashed prices. Crazy, much? That’s the real essence of shopping, I suppose.
  • You’re being watched
    Another annoying aspect of store shopping are the shadows that follow you around every second. “May I help you?” “Are you looking for something in particular?” No lady! I’m just waiting for my friend and popped in for the air-conditioning. When I shop online, I can act all kinds of crazy and make snide comments about products without being judged by said shadows. Last week, I bought a pair of shoes at a store my mom dragged me to, just because the store keeper yelled at two girls for checking a dozen items and leaving without making a purchase.
  • Reviews
    You know the significance of reviews when you visit a restaurant or watch a movie. So why should you buy a product without knowing what 158 other people think about it? It is highly crucial for me to know whether a laptop skin for Rs. 100 will actually glow in the dark or whether the plastic handle of a stove-top coffee maker will start to melt eventually (although it’s only inevitable that it will, but I need other people to vouch for it).
  • Festival Season – It’s kill time people!
    Festivals are the times humans lose sanity and it is only intensified by a festive season sale. A sight of two people fighting to death over the last piece of a nail-cutter on discount is not as uncommon as you’d think, especially in India where the shopping trends of people are driven by discounts. So why jump into the battlefield with the mob when you can just workout a peace deal at home?

I can go on and on with this but as lazy as I am, I’m going to let you do it. What is your reason to shop or not to shop online? Leave a comment.